I've learned a valuable lesson in the last couple weeks. Insecurity masks itself in several forms. I know this, because only a few months ago, I would refute that I had an issue with insecurity. I've started reading "So Long, Insecurity" by Beth Moore, and as always when reading her work, I feel an affinity. She puts my own insecurity into eloquence with these words:
"Keep an open mind to what an insecure woman looks like, and don't be too hasty to let yourself off the hook just because one dimension of the portrait doesn't look like you. The fact that she can be a complicated mix of confidence and self-consciousness is the very reason it took me so long to identify it in myself and admit it."
Wow.
She brought to light several forms of insecurity including a concern for how others view and interact with us. For example, "Do I have a strong desire to make amends whenever I think I've done something wrong? ...a strong desire to make amends even when I HAVEN'T done something wrong?"
Wow.
This happened just last week. There was a mess of gossip among my circle of friends and in my church, and I had this
need to investigate the root of this gossip- to be a little detective, a curious little kitten. My goal, was to discover the root of this gossip and dig it up. I had a talk with a very good friend who asked me if I needed to talk this out for my sake or for his.
Wow. That got me.
It was for me! It was for my own insecurity. I had to suss it all out... I had to tie all the loose strings back together. It would make me feel better if all the parties involved would stop talking about me or get it right.
Security would look different.
A lot different.
Security would say, "Well, they think XYZ about me and maybe they only have Y right, but oh well. God, I give this to you. Thank you for being my shield. Thank you for being my face...and for keeping it. I'm going to rest in knowing EXACTLY who I am... in you..."
Yep...that's what she would look like.
God is revealing my security in him...and it is interesting so far. Last week he prompted me to FINALLY join the gym at my work. Last week, my tight jeans were hanging off of me. Last week, emotions I didn't think I was ready to address, surfaced. Last week I bought a new shirt. This week I bought "So Long, Insecurity" and this week God broke several chains regarding my heart tied to the wounds people had inflicted in me. God removed swords, spears, and arrows from me.
I've never felt more secure amidst uncertainty.
The whole husband thing... it's coming sooner than I am "ready" for... but God's got it.
The whole missions thing...it's really going to happen...sometime in my future...it's not just a speculation now...God has PLANTED those desires DEEP within me... but God's got it.
The whole being loved, being hurt thing... God's got it.
The whole losing weight, being seen thing... God's got it.
God's telling me...as gently and as firmly as he does- "I've got it Melissa. I've got it. REST in my arms. REST in my security! I've got it. I've got it."
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Thursday, February 25, 2010
VICTORY OVER LIES!
Have you ever felt viciously pursued by the enemy? At every turn he is there, lurking in shadows, whispering venomous lies. I sit in silence driving my car, and he is at my side, trying to convince me my life is of no worth, that God is finished, that love is not mine. LET ME TELL YOU, LOVE IS MINE and I am loved with the only LOVE I will ever need: Jesus Christ's!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Psalm 60:11
Give us aid against the enemy, for the help of man is worthless.
Psalm 64:1
[ For the director of music. A psalm of David. ]
Hear me, O God, as I voice my complaint; protect my life from the threat of the
enemy.
Psalm 13:2
2 How long must I wrestle with my thoughts
and every day have sorrow in my heart?
How long will my enemy triumph over me?
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I have loved Jesus for years and in different seasons of my life, I have watched as he has claimed area after area of my life. This past season, God has pushed me further then ever! I have seen Jesus CLAIM my life, move MOUNTAINS, CRUSH SNAKES in my path, HURL BOULDERS away from crushing me, DO MIGHTY AND WONDERFUL THINGS! I have seen God bless me and love. I have been honored to even occasionally be used by God!
And I am thrilled.
If you've followed my posts, a lot of this has to do with obedience, and listening to God speak to me... trying my very best to trust him, to listen, to obey. I do not always succeed, but when I do- it is Christ within me that is succeeding! HE IS DOING IT ALL! Left to my own defenses, I would have withered into dust by now. Christ is powerful! SO POWERFUL!
As Christ has blessed me, I have felt the enemy's anger brood and boil in the darkness. Even as I write this, he fumes in fury! IN the past month, Christ has urged me to take up his sword (the HOLY living WORD of GOD!) and battle LIE after LIE! In the beginning, I prayed, I sought the prayer and help of other Christians and cried out to God...
WHO HEARD ME!
Psalm 107:6
Then they cried out to the LORD in their trouble, and he delivered them from their distress.
And you know what he said? "PICK UP YOUR SWORD!" (He used SEVERAL methods to deliver this message, and it came at the perfect time.)
Listen to some of these lies! Listen to God's responses!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
LIE 1:
Years ago, when you needed God the most, he abandoned you. He let you get hurt by men. Men are not trustworthy and neither is God. You really can not trust anyone.
TRUTH 1-A: I can TRUST GOD!
Proverbs 3:5-6 (NIV)
5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
6 in all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make your paths straight.
TRUTH 1-B: God did NOT abandon me!
Deuteronomy 31:6
Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you."
Joshua 1:5
No one will be able to stand up against you all the days of your life. As I was with Moses, so I will be with you; I will never leave you nor forsake you.
Psalm 27:10
Though my father and mother forsake me, the LORD will receive me.
Psalm 94:14
For the LORD will not reject his people; he will never forsake his inheritance.
TRUTH 1-C: God has DRAWN me nearer to him with every ache of my heart!
Jeremiah 31:3
The LORD appeared to us in the past, saying: "I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with loving-kindness.
TRUTH 1-D: The Lord wants to FIGHT for me!
Exodus 14:14
14 The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still."
The TRUTH IS: God never left me. He wants to RESTORE me! There were times when I was hurt as a child and as an adult, but God spared me in SO many ways! And he has turned those wounds into beautiful scars! Scars that now shine with his glory and his RESTORATION!
Isaiah 61:3
3 and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
instead of ashes,
the oil of gladness
instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
a planting of the LORD
for the display of his splendor.
AMEN!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
LIE 2:
You have been rejected by many people you have loved. Obviously, you are lacking where there is need..you are not enough. Not only are you not enough in SO many areas, you are also too much! You need too much, love too much, want too much out of life! Why can't you just take what you get and be satisfied?
TRUTH 2:
Psalm 139:13-18
13 For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
16 your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
17 How precious to [b] me are your thoughts, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!
18 Were I to count them,
they would outnumber the grains of sand.
When I awake,
I am still with you.
***
When I looked at the original translation for verse 17, I saw that this could also be worded, "How precious concerning meare your thoughts, O God!" WOW! When God thinks of me, he is thinking wonderful things. Psalm 139 is an amazing scripture talking about how much God loves us! How valuable he considers us! HIS PRECIOUS thoughts about us, OUTNUMBER the grains of sand! Have you ever been to the sand dunes, let alone the ocean? WOW!
The Second lie deals with self-worth! We are not enough, or are too much! DOESN'T EVERY woman feel this way at some point?!?!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
LIE 3:
Your sins are too dark to be covered by God. He will forgive you and let you into heaven, but your life will be forever marred because of the mistakes you have made. No good man will ever REALLY love you. You will never be good enough.
TRUTH 3:
HE HAS SET YOU FREE...YOU ARE FREE, INDEED!
John 8:36 So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.
John 3:17-19
17 For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him. 18 Whoever believes in him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe stands condemned already because he has not believed in the name of God's one and only Son.[a] 19 This is the verdict: Light has come into the world
Isaiah 62
Zion's New Name
1 For Zion's sake I will not keep silent,
for Jerusalem's sake I will not remain quiet,
till her righteousness shines out like the dawn (until you shimmer)
her salvation like a blazing torch.
2 The nations will see your righteousness,
and all kings your glory(your beauty);
you will be called by a new name
that the mouth of the LORD will bestow.
3 You will be a crown of splendor in the LORD's hand (the crown of creation,
a royal diadem in the hand of your God.
4 No longer will they call you Deserted,
or name your land Desolate.
But you will be called Hephzibah (my delight is in her),
and your land Beulah (married);
for the LORD will take delight in you,
and your land will be married.
5 As a young man marries a maiden (he pursues her, romances her),
as a bridegroom rejoices over his bride (you are lovely),
so will your God rejoice over you. (emphasis added taken from "Captivating" by Stasi Elderedge)
God doesn't just want to SAVE us, although he is the SAVIOR and has promised that if we accept him. He also wants to REDEEM us! RESTORE us!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
LIE 4:
Being thin is not safe. Whenever you have been physically beautiful in the past, men have tried to devour you. If you lose weight or make an effort to be aesthetically pleasing, a man will only love you because you are pretty...not because of who you are. He will objectify you, cheat on you, and hurt you. You need to be overweight. God is not big enough to protect you against the advances of evil men!
TRUTH 4: (in several parts)
GOD WANTS ME TO BE RESTORED:
Jeremiah 30:16-17 (New International Version)
16 " 'But all who devour you will be devoured;
all your enemies will go into exile.
Those who plunder you will be plundered;
all who make spoil of you I will despoil.
17 But I will restore you to health
and heal your wounds,'
declares the LORD,
'because you are called an outcast,
Zion for whom no one cares.'
I WILL RESTORE YOU!
GOD WANTS ME TO TAKE CARE OF MY BODY
1 Corinthians 9:24-27
24 Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. 25 Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last; but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. 26 Therefore I do not run like a man running aimlessly; I do not fight like a man beating the air. 27 No, I beat my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize.
1 Corinthians 6:19-20
19 Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; 20you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.
I've been saying this verse to myself whenever I workout or go on a run:
Isaiah 40:31
31 but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.
GOD WANTS ME TO BEAR HIS BEAUTY:
Zechariah 9:16-17
16 The LORD their God will save them on that day
as the flock of his people.
They will sparkle in his land
like jewels in a crown.
17 How attractive and beautiful they will be!
God has promised to be with us and to give us his freedom (2 Cor 3:17)...these lies promote captivity. As we grow in Christ, we grow into his image, and into his mind...we hopefully begin to resemble him quite a bit.
2 Corinthians 3:18
18 And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect[a] the Lord's glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.
This is one of my all-time favorite verses, because it illustrates the kind of beauty the Lord wants us to pursue. That we will bear and testify HIS beauty! We REFLECT the Lord's glory! How awesome is that? That God loves us so much, he allows us to bear on our physical and spiritual lives a vestige, a TRACE, of his glory! Wow! Thanks, God!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
REMEMBER THIS: SATAN WANTS TO LIE TO YOU! HE WANTS YOU TO SETTLE FOR LESS! IF HE'S ALREADY LOST YOU TO THE SALVATION OF THE LORD, HE WANTS TO FURTHER IMPRISON YOU AND LIE TO YOU TO HOLD YOU BACK FROM GOD'S CLAIM AND CALL ON YOUR LIFE!!!!!!
Isaiah 44:20
20 He feeds on ashes, a deluded heart misleads him;
he cannot save himself, or say,
"Is not this thing in my right hand a lie?"
IT'S A LIE! AND HE'S A LIAR!!!!
John 8:44
You belong to your father, the devil, and you want to carry out your father's desire. He was a murderer from the beginning, not holding to the truth, for there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies.
Psalm 103
Of David.
1 Praise the LORD, O my soul;
all my inmost being, praise his holy name.
2 Praise the LORD, O my soul,
and forget not all his benefits-
3 who forgives all your sins
and heals all your diseases,
4 who redeems your life from the pit
and crowns you with love and compassion,
5 who satisfies your desires with good things
so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's.
6 The LORD works righteousness
and justice for all the oppressed.
BE ENCOURAGED! FIGHT LIES WITH THE SWORD OF TRUTH! It is fitting that God has called it a sword...mine has seen a lot of battle lately. PLEASE don't let Satan capture you and defeat you. FIGHT him with the sword God has given you!
Psalm 31
For the director of music. A psalm of David.
1 In you, O LORD, I have taken refuge;
let me never be put to shame;
deliver me in your righteousness.
2 Turn your ear to me,
come quickly to my rescue;
be my rock of refuge,
a strong fortress to save me.
3 Since you are my rock and my fortress,
for the sake of your name lead and guide me.
4 Free me from the trap that is set for me,
for you are my refuge.
5 Into your hands I commit my spirit;
redeem me, O LORD, the God of truth.
6 I hate those who cling to worthless idols;
I trust in the LORD.
7 I will be glad and rejoice in your love,
for you saw my affliction
and knew the anguish of my soul.
8 You have not handed me over to the enemy
but have set my feet in a spacious place.
9 Be merciful to me, O LORD, for I am in distress;
my eyes grow weak with sorrow,
my soul and my body with grief.
10 My life is consumed by anguish
and my years by groaning;
my strength fails because of my affliction, [a]
and my bones grow weak.
11 Because of all my enemies,
I am the utter contempt of my neighbors;
I am a dread to my friends—
those who see me on the street flee from me.
12 I am forgotten by them as though I were dead;
I have become like broken pottery.
13 For I hear the slander of many;
there is terror on every side;
they conspire against me
and plot to take my life.
14 But I trust in you, O LORD;
I say, "You are my God."
15 My times are in your hands;
deliver me from my enemies
and from those who pursue me.
16 Let your face shine on your servant;
save me in your unfailing love.
17 Let me not be put to shame, O LORD,
for I have cried out to you;
but let the wicked be put to shame
and lie silent in the grave. [b]
18 Let their lying lips be silenced,
for with pride and contempt
they speak arrogantly against the righteous.
19 How great is your goodness,
which you have stored up for those who fear you,
which you bestow in the sight of men
on those who take refuge in you.
20 In the shelter of your presence you hide them
from the intrigues of men;
in your dwelling you keep them safe
from accusing tongues.
21 Praise be to the LORD,
for he showed his wonderful love to me
when I was in a besieged city.
22 In my alarm I said,
"I am cut off from your sight!"
Yet you heard my cry for mercy
when I called to you for help.
23 Love the LORD, all his saints!
The LORD preserves the faithful,
but the proud he pays back in full.
24 Be strong and take heart,
all you who hope in the LORD.
Psalm 18:17
17 He rescued me from my powerful enemy,
from my foes, who were too strong for me.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Psalm 60:11
Give us aid against the enemy, for the help of man is worthless.
Psalm 64:1
[ For the director of music. A psalm of David. ]
Hear me, O God, as I voice my complaint; protect my life from the threat of the
enemy.
Psalm 13:2
2 How long must I wrestle with my thoughts
and every day have sorrow in my heart?
How long will my enemy triumph over me?
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I have loved Jesus for years and in different seasons of my life, I have watched as he has claimed area after area of my life. This past season, God has pushed me further then ever! I have seen Jesus CLAIM my life, move MOUNTAINS, CRUSH SNAKES in my path, HURL BOULDERS away from crushing me, DO MIGHTY AND WONDERFUL THINGS! I have seen God bless me and love. I have been honored to even occasionally be used by God!
And I am thrilled.
If you've followed my posts, a lot of this has to do with obedience, and listening to God speak to me... trying my very best to trust him, to listen, to obey. I do not always succeed, but when I do- it is Christ within me that is succeeding! HE IS DOING IT ALL! Left to my own defenses, I would have withered into dust by now. Christ is powerful! SO POWERFUL!
As Christ has blessed me, I have felt the enemy's anger brood and boil in the darkness. Even as I write this, he fumes in fury! IN the past month, Christ has urged me to take up his sword (the HOLY living WORD of GOD!) and battle LIE after LIE! In the beginning, I prayed, I sought the prayer and help of other Christians and cried out to God...
WHO HEARD ME!
Psalm 107:6
Then they cried out to the LORD in their trouble, and he delivered them from their distress.
And you know what he said? "PICK UP YOUR SWORD!" (He used SEVERAL methods to deliver this message, and it came at the perfect time.)
Listen to some of these lies! Listen to God's responses!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
LIE 1:
Years ago, when you needed God the most, he abandoned you. He let you get hurt by men. Men are not trustworthy and neither is God. You really can not trust anyone.
TRUTH 1-A: I can TRUST GOD!
Proverbs 3:5-6 (NIV)
5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
6 in all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make your paths straight.
TRUTH 1-B: God did NOT abandon me!
Deuteronomy 31:6
Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you."
Joshua 1:5
No one will be able to stand up against you all the days of your life. As I was with Moses, so I will be with you; I will never leave you nor forsake you.
Psalm 27:10
Though my father and mother forsake me, the LORD will receive me.
Psalm 94:14
For the LORD will not reject his people; he will never forsake his inheritance.
TRUTH 1-C: God has DRAWN me nearer to him with every ache of my heart!
Jeremiah 31:3
The LORD appeared to us in the past, saying: "I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with loving-kindness.
TRUTH 1-D: The Lord wants to FIGHT for me!
Exodus 14:14
14 The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still."
The TRUTH IS: God never left me. He wants to RESTORE me! There were times when I was hurt as a child and as an adult, but God spared me in SO many ways! And he has turned those wounds into beautiful scars! Scars that now shine with his glory and his RESTORATION!
Isaiah 61:3
3 and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
instead of ashes,
the oil of gladness
instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
a planting of the LORD
for the display of his splendor.
AMEN!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
LIE 2:
You have been rejected by many people you have loved. Obviously, you are lacking where there is need..you are not enough. Not only are you not enough in SO many areas, you are also too much! You need too much, love too much, want too much out of life! Why can't you just take what you get and be satisfied?
TRUTH 2:
Psalm 139:13-18
13 For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
16 your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
17 How precious to [b] me are your thoughts, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!
18 Were I to count them,
they would outnumber the grains of sand.
When I awake,
I am still with you.
***
When I looked at the original translation for verse 17, I saw that this could also be worded, "How precious concerning meare your thoughts, O God!" WOW! When God thinks of me, he is thinking wonderful things. Psalm 139 is an amazing scripture talking about how much God loves us! How valuable he considers us! HIS PRECIOUS thoughts about us, OUTNUMBER the grains of sand! Have you ever been to the sand dunes, let alone the ocean? WOW!
The Second lie deals with self-worth! We are not enough, or are too much! DOESN'T EVERY woman feel this way at some point?!?!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
LIE 3:
Your sins are too dark to be covered by God. He will forgive you and let you into heaven, but your life will be forever marred because of the mistakes you have made. No good man will ever REALLY love you. You will never be good enough.
TRUTH 3:
HE HAS SET YOU FREE...YOU ARE FREE, INDEED!
John 8:36 So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.
John 3:17-19
17 For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him. 18 Whoever believes in him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe stands condemned already because he has not believed in the name of God's one and only Son.[a] 19 This is the verdict: Light has come into the world
Isaiah 62
Zion's New Name
1 For Zion's sake I will not keep silent,
for Jerusalem's sake I will not remain quiet,
till her righteousness shines out like the dawn (until you shimmer)
her salvation like a blazing torch.
2 The nations will see your righteousness,
and all kings your glory(your beauty);
you will be called by a new name
that the mouth of the LORD will bestow.
3 You will be a crown of splendor in the LORD's hand (the crown of creation,
a royal diadem in the hand of your God.
4 No longer will they call you Deserted,
or name your land Desolate.
But you will be called Hephzibah (my delight is in her),
and your land Beulah (married);
for the LORD will take delight in you,
and your land will be married.
5 As a young man marries a maiden (he pursues her, romances her),
as a bridegroom rejoices over his bride (you are lovely),
so will your God rejoice over you. (emphasis added taken from "Captivating" by Stasi Elderedge)
God doesn't just want to SAVE us, although he is the SAVIOR and has promised that if we accept him. He also wants to REDEEM us! RESTORE us!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
LIE 4:
Being thin is not safe. Whenever you have been physically beautiful in the past, men have tried to devour you. If you lose weight or make an effort to be aesthetically pleasing, a man will only love you because you are pretty...not because of who you are. He will objectify you, cheat on you, and hurt you. You need to be overweight. God is not big enough to protect you against the advances of evil men!
TRUTH 4: (in several parts)
GOD WANTS ME TO BE RESTORED:
Jeremiah 30:16-17 (New International Version)
16 " 'But all who devour you will be devoured;
all your enemies will go into exile.
Those who plunder you will be plundered;
all who make spoil of you I will despoil.
17 But I will restore you to health
and heal your wounds,'
declares the LORD,
'because you are called an outcast,
Zion for whom no one cares.'
I WILL RESTORE YOU!
GOD WANTS ME TO TAKE CARE OF MY BODY
1 Corinthians 9:24-27
24 Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. 25 Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last; but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. 26 Therefore I do not run like a man running aimlessly; I do not fight like a man beating the air. 27 No, I beat my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize.
1 Corinthians 6:19-20
19 Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; 20you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.
I've been saying this verse to myself whenever I workout or go on a run:
Isaiah 40:31
31 but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.
GOD WANTS ME TO BEAR HIS BEAUTY:
Zechariah 9:16-17
16 The LORD their God will save them on that day
as the flock of his people.
They will sparkle in his land
like jewels in a crown.
17 How attractive and beautiful they will be!
God has promised to be with us and to give us his freedom (2 Cor 3:17)...these lies promote captivity. As we grow in Christ, we grow into his image, and into his mind...we hopefully begin to resemble him quite a bit.
2 Corinthians 3:18
18 And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect[a] the Lord's glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.
This is one of my all-time favorite verses, because it illustrates the kind of beauty the Lord wants us to pursue. That we will bear and testify HIS beauty! We REFLECT the Lord's glory! How awesome is that? That God loves us so much, he allows us to bear on our physical and spiritual lives a vestige, a TRACE, of his glory! Wow! Thanks, God!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
REMEMBER THIS: SATAN WANTS TO LIE TO YOU! HE WANTS YOU TO SETTLE FOR LESS! IF HE'S ALREADY LOST YOU TO THE SALVATION OF THE LORD, HE WANTS TO FURTHER IMPRISON YOU AND LIE TO YOU TO HOLD YOU BACK FROM GOD'S CLAIM AND CALL ON YOUR LIFE!!!!!!
Isaiah 44:20
20 He feeds on ashes, a deluded heart misleads him;
he cannot save himself, or say,
"Is not this thing in my right hand a lie?"
IT'S A LIE! AND HE'S A LIAR!!!!
John 8:44
You belong to your father, the devil, and you want to carry out your father's desire. He was a murderer from the beginning, not holding to the truth, for there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies.
Psalm 103
Of David.
1 Praise the LORD, O my soul;
all my inmost being, praise his holy name.
2 Praise the LORD, O my soul,
and forget not all his benefits-
3 who forgives all your sins
and heals all your diseases,
4 who redeems your life from the pit
and crowns you with love and compassion,
5 who satisfies your desires with good things
so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's.
6 The LORD works righteousness
and justice for all the oppressed.
BE ENCOURAGED! FIGHT LIES WITH THE SWORD OF TRUTH! It is fitting that God has called it a sword...mine has seen a lot of battle lately. PLEASE don't let Satan capture you and defeat you. FIGHT him with the sword God has given you!
Psalm 31
For the director of music. A psalm of David.
1 In you, O LORD, I have taken refuge;
let me never be put to shame;
deliver me in your righteousness.
2 Turn your ear to me,
come quickly to my rescue;
be my rock of refuge,
a strong fortress to save me.
3 Since you are my rock and my fortress,
for the sake of your name lead and guide me.
4 Free me from the trap that is set for me,
for you are my refuge.
5 Into your hands I commit my spirit;
redeem me, O LORD, the God of truth.
6 I hate those who cling to worthless idols;
I trust in the LORD.
7 I will be glad and rejoice in your love,
for you saw my affliction
and knew the anguish of my soul.
8 You have not handed me over to the enemy
but have set my feet in a spacious place.
9 Be merciful to me, O LORD, for I am in distress;
my eyes grow weak with sorrow,
my soul and my body with grief.
10 My life is consumed by anguish
and my years by groaning;
my strength fails because of my affliction, [a]
and my bones grow weak.
11 Because of all my enemies,
I am the utter contempt of my neighbors;
I am a dread to my friends—
those who see me on the street flee from me.
12 I am forgotten by them as though I were dead;
I have become like broken pottery.
13 For I hear the slander of many;
there is terror on every side;
they conspire against me
and plot to take my life.
14 But I trust in you, O LORD;
I say, "You are my God."
15 My times are in your hands;
deliver me from my enemies
and from those who pursue me.
16 Let your face shine on your servant;
save me in your unfailing love.
17 Let me not be put to shame, O LORD,
for I have cried out to you;
but let the wicked be put to shame
and lie silent in the grave. [b]
18 Let their lying lips be silenced,
for with pride and contempt
they speak arrogantly against the righteous.
19 How great is your goodness,
which you have stored up for those who fear you,
which you bestow in the sight of men
on those who take refuge in you.
20 In the shelter of your presence you hide them
from the intrigues of men;
in your dwelling you keep them safe
from accusing tongues.
21 Praise be to the LORD,
for he showed his wonderful love to me
when I was in a besieged city.
22 In my alarm I said,
"I am cut off from your sight!"
Yet you heard my cry for mercy
when I called to you for help.
23 Love the LORD, all his saints!
The LORD preserves the faithful,
but the proud he pays back in full.
24 Be strong and take heart,
all you who hope in the LORD.
Psalm 18:17
17 He rescued me from my powerful enemy,
from my foes, who were too strong for me.
Monday, February 8, 2010
LET'S RECOGNIZE.
It's 4:00 a.m.
One might wonder why I am awake at such an hour.
It's really not a terrible thing. I just have to go to the airport in a half an hour to deposit my sister and brother-in-law safely on an airplane back to Traverse City, MI.
My sister flew down Saturday night, and her husband flew in Sunday afternoon. He works for an airport, so they are pretty much granted free airfare whenever they want if they are willing to fly standby.
So...I got to have a little superbowl party with my sis, bro and cousin... It was great. OH YEAH...except for that one part where the Colts lost. Let's not talk about that.
God's been doing a lot...but when is he NOT doing a lot? I should say, I've been able to see some of the stuff God has been doing a lot more clearly lately.
Satan has ATTACKED me these last couple weeks with LIES. It's been crazy the mini-battle marching in my head. Satan will lie...usually something like, "Melissa, you are unlovable and not enough." And I will think,
'Um. No...Satan I'm not." And he will say,
"Yes you are. Remember this and this and this? These things PROVE that all I say is true. Let's be honest. You're not good enough. You never will be." And then God will say,
"Melissa, Satan is a liar. I made you with my hands! It was MY breath that breathed life into your lungs. It was I who thought of every little thing about you before you were made. I gave you your big blue eyes, and your sensitive heart. I looked down at you and thought, 'this one will bear my beauty and I will use her for MY glory.' Melissa, you are mine. You let me in long ago and I will NEVER leave you. I am yours. Satan is a liar."
And this went on. And on. And on. Satan would lie. God would proclaim.
It was exhausting.
But the last two days, I started to realize one way that Satan was getting such a foothold of my mind was because PART OF ME BELIEVED HIM! Even when God was POURING his love and his TRUTH into my heart, PART OF ME....Part of me thought,
"No. He's right Lord. I am worthless. Don't you remember how I hurt you? Don't you remember how I twisted the nails in deeper? Don't you remember the density of my sins wrapped around you as you hung on that cross?"
Part of me really didn't forgive myself. And this is the doorway which Satan trotted through, head held high...ready and MORE THAN WILLING to wreak havoc in my mind.
Today in church one of the pastors gave a sermon very close to this war. He talked about freedom from religion....freedom from the law. He briefly talked about forgiving ourselves. And this hit me. IT hit me.
I went up for prayer and my sister came along with me and prayed with two women from my church. There was a really cool moment that I felt something being lifted or moved...like a shadow had been blocking this light...and then it moved...and the light was pulsing down...
I even opened my eyes to see if maybe I was just seeing a light source through my eyelids, because sometimes that happens...and it was hazy like that...
But there was no light source where we were standing.
I wish I had had the faith to keep my eyes closed and focused on that light. It was vibrant.
I told God that I wanted to forgive myself. That I wanted to see myself the way he saw me even through my mistakes and through my past that has wounded me.
My mind was settled after that.
Pray with me and for me as I enter these exciting and dark caverns. God is helping me discover many layers...and I don't know if there is more to the path of forgiveness...all I know is that today...the battle was the Lord's...and he WHOOPED on Satan!
One might wonder why I am awake at such an hour.
It's really not a terrible thing. I just have to go to the airport in a half an hour to deposit my sister and brother-in-law safely on an airplane back to Traverse City, MI.
My sister flew down Saturday night, and her husband flew in Sunday afternoon. He works for an airport, so they are pretty much granted free airfare whenever they want if they are willing to fly standby.
So...I got to have a little superbowl party with my sis, bro and cousin... It was great. OH YEAH...except for that one part where the Colts lost. Let's not talk about that.
God's been doing a lot...but when is he NOT doing a lot? I should say, I've been able to see some of the stuff God has been doing a lot more clearly lately.
Satan has ATTACKED me these last couple weeks with LIES. It's been crazy the mini-battle marching in my head. Satan will lie...usually something like, "Melissa, you are unlovable and not enough." And I will think,
'Um. No...Satan I'm not." And he will say,
"Yes you are. Remember this and this and this? These things PROVE that all I say is true. Let's be honest. You're not good enough. You never will be." And then God will say,
"Melissa, Satan is a liar. I made you with my hands! It was MY breath that breathed life into your lungs. It was I who thought of every little thing about you before you were made. I gave you your big blue eyes, and your sensitive heart. I looked down at you and thought, 'this one will bear my beauty and I will use her for MY glory.' Melissa, you are mine. You let me in long ago and I will NEVER leave you. I am yours. Satan is a liar."
And this went on. And on. And on. Satan would lie. God would proclaim.
It was exhausting.
But the last two days, I started to realize one way that Satan was getting such a foothold of my mind was because PART OF ME BELIEVED HIM! Even when God was POURING his love and his TRUTH into my heart, PART OF ME....Part of me thought,
"No. He's right Lord. I am worthless. Don't you remember how I hurt you? Don't you remember how I twisted the nails in deeper? Don't you remember the density of my sins wrapped around you as you hung on that cross?"
Part of me really didn't forgive myself. And this is the doorway which Satan trotted through, head held high...ready and MORE THAN WILLING to wreak havoc in my mind.
Today in church one of the pastors gave a sermon very close to this war. He talked about freedom from religion....freedom from the law. He briefly talked about forgiving ourselves. And this hit me. IT hit me.
I went up for prayer and my sister came along with me and prayed with two women from my church. There was a really cool moment that I felt something being lifted or moved...like a shadow had been blocking this light...and then it moved...and the light was pulsing down...
I even opened my eyes to see if maybe I was just seeing a light source through my eyelids, because sometimes that happens...and it was hazy like that...
But there was no light source where we were standing.
I wish I had had the faith to keep my eyes closed and focused on that light. It was vibrant.
I told God that I wanted to forgive myself. That I wanted to see myself the way he saw me even through my mistakes and through my past that has wounded me.
My mind was settled after that.
Pray with me and for me as I enter these exciting and dark caverns. God is helping me discover many layers...and I don't know if there is more to the path of forgiveness...all I know is that today...the battle was the Lord's...and he WHOOPED on Satan!
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Abundance....and Moonlight.
The moon awoke me this morning,
Peering into my rocky sleep,
Tucked in between dreams.
It was bright.
It was good.
It was beautiful.
It was God.
It was holy.
I don't remember much about the dream, but there was some kind of creature that if we looked into their eyes, could see the future of our fertility. One woman looked into the eyes of the creature and saw her baby die. I looked into the eyes of my creature and saw myself giving birth, it looked painful but before I could see what happened, I looked away and told the creature that I did not want to know. I think I was convinced, even without seeing the outcome, that the baby died. The interesting thing is that there was reason for me to be convinced of my baby's death. No vision, no prophesy, no truth. It was my fear. My own fear convinced me that the baby would die.
Hmmmm.
Interesting dream. I don't really remember much about the dream and what I do is hazy...I do remember being TERRIFIED. And I awoke terrified. To the light of the holy moon. The moon that God created. And the fear slowly drained from me in the light of God's constancy. Perfect love drives out fear. PERFECT love DRIVES out FEAR!
Later, I was talking to Janelle, my darling sister, of my fears that Godly men do not see me, only evil men. I told her that most of the time I rest and REVEL in God's beauty and the joy of claiming it... but that I am still, through all of my scars, wrestling through a way to believe that a MAN OF GOD, WITH GOD'S HEART AND EYES, will see me? WHAT IS WRONG with that picture?
Janelle said something along the lines of: Hmmmm. Don't you feel kind of like a hypocrite, half of your life claiming God's beauty and showing other young girls to do the same? How can you say you believe in the beauty that God has instilled in you and feel value...but then lack the faith that God could bring you a man who could also recognize and value these things? A man who has eyes like God?
I responded that those exact thoughts have been pounding in my heart for several weeks as God is bringing several issues in my past to a boiling point...exposing the bruised and not completely healed areas... refining. With fire. It was easier to believe that a wonderful man would come RIGHT after my beauty revelation at 19. But since 19, my heart has been wounded (accidentally or not) by two Christian men, and attacked by other men who did not have access to my heart, but sliced through my outward protection and pierced it quite effectively. And it seems that some of the great progress God had made with my heart was corrupted once again.
I told her sometimes I felt like the outer me has been used up...and that men see the outer... That the inner is being blessed and tended to by God but that no one can see it. Or at least they only appreciate it like one appreciates a flower. A plant that dies in their care after a few days.
PITY PARTY. (and an OUTRIGHT LIE-fest... Don't I know it!)
Janelle unknowingly reflected my Obedience/Abundance post when she said: "God wants to offer you redemption NOT just salvation. He doesn't want to just save you he wants to REDEEM you and bless you. Make you whole."
Then she quoted part of my entry to me, or should I say...SCRIPTURE:
"I will repay you for the years the locust have eaten."
Um HALLELU YA!
The thing is... I recognize these lies AS lies... but even recognizing something is not the same thing as REBUKING it, turning it away, and CLAIMING TRUTH!
I'm so far from perfect.
But God loves me. He has made me beautiful. I may have been hurt by others and myself, but God RESTORES and REDEEMS...even those things that have been devoured.
And I know he is preparing the heart of a man I already love. I don't know who he is... but I have been praying for him since I was a little girl. Storing my hopes for him and for our life together, praying for God's blessing to be over his life.
And you know- if God doesn't want a man for me, I trust him to change my heart.
Pray for me! God is leading me through my darkest valley yet... and the reason why it is the darkest is because I have walked through it before. It is the valley where the roots of my fears and my insecurities soak up the earth. It is a valley years behind me, yet stretched out before me.
For some of this, it may come as a shock to you. You view me as confident and rejoicing. And I am and do for the promises I HAVE CLAIMED.
BUT...
There still are promises I have yet to claim! Abundance and life that God has for me that I have been fearful to reach for! Pray for strength from God, WISDOM, and trust! That these good things God has for me, these orchards filled with sweet fruit, ARE REAL and PROMISED to me... (and I am NOT talking about a man, I am talking about REDEMPTION. RESTORATION. FREEDOM!
It is night.
And the holy moon is shining through my window.
I am filled with joy.
Peering into my rocky sleep,
Tucked in between dreams.
It was bright.
It was good.
It was beautiful.
It was God.
It was holy.
I don't remember much about the dream, but there was some kind of creature that if we looked into their eyes, could see the future of our fertility. One woman looked into the eyes of the creature and saw her baby die. I looked into the eyes of my creature and saw myself giving birth, it looked painful but before I could see what happened, I looked away and told the creature that I did not want to know. I think I was convinced, even without seeing the outcome, that the baby died. The interesting thing is that there was reason for me to be convinced of my baby's death. No vision, no prophesy, no truth. It was my fear. My own fear convinced me that the baby would die.
Hmmmm.
Interesting dream. I don't really remember much about the dream and what I do is hazy...I do remember being TERRIFIED. And I awoke terrified. To the light of the holy moon. The moon that God created. And the fear slowly drained from me in the light of God's constancy. Perfect love drives out fear. PERFECT love DRIVES out FEAR!
Later, I was talking to Janelle, my darling sister, of my fears that Godly men do not see me, only evil men. I told her that most of the time I rest and REVEL in God's beauty and the joy of claiming it... but that I am still, through all of my scars, wrestling through a way to believe that a MAN OF GOD, WITH GOD'S HEART AND EYES, will see me? WHAT IS WRONG with that picture?
Janelle said something along the lines of: Hmmmm. Don't you feel kind of like a hypocrite, half of your life claiming God's beauty and showing other young girls to do the same? How can you say you believe in the beauty that God has instilled in you and feel value...but then lack the faith that God could bring you a man who could also recognize and value these things? A man who has eyes like God?
I responded that those exact thoughts have been pounding in my heart for several weeks as God is bringing several issues in my past to a boiling point...exposing the bruised and not completely healed areas... refining. With fire. It was easier to believe that a wonderful man would come RIGHT after my beauty revelation at 19. But since 19, my heart has been wounded (accidentally or not) by two Christian men, and attacked by other men who did not have access to my heart, but sliced through my outward protection and pierced it quite effectively. And it seems that some of the great progress God had made with my heart was corrupted once again.
I told her sometimes I felt like the outer me has been used up...and that men see the outer... That the inner is being blessed and tended to by God but that no one can see it. Or at least they only appreciate it like one appreciates a flower. A plant that dies in their care after a few days.
PITY PARTY. (and an OUTRIGHT LIE-fest... Don't I know it!)
Janelle unknowingly reflected my Obedience/Abundance post when she said: "God wants to offer you redemption NOT just salvation. He doesn't want to just save you he wants to REDEEM you and bless you. Make you whole."
Then she quoted part of my entry to me, or should I say...SCRIPTURE:
"I will repay you for the years the locust have eaten."
Um HALLELU YA!
The thing is... I recognize these lies AS lies... but even recognizing something is not the same thing as REBUKING it, turning it away, and CLAIMING TRUTH!
I'm so far from perfect.
But God loves me. He has made me beautiful. I may have been hurt by others and myself, but God RESTORES and REDEEMS...even those things that have been devoured.
And I know he is preparing the heart of a man I already love. I don't know who he is... but I have been praying for him since I was a little girl. Storing my hopes for him and for our life together, praying for God's blessing to be over his life.
And you know- if God doesn't want a man for me, I trust him to change my heart.
Pray for me! God is leading me through my darkest valley yet... and the reason why it is the darkest is because I have walked through it before. It is the valley where the roots of my fears and my insecurities soak up the earth. It is a valley years behind me, yet stretched out before me.
For some of this, it may come as a shock to you. You view me as confident and rejoicing. And I am and do for the promises I HAVE CLAIMED.
BUT...
There still are promises I have yet to claim! Abundance and life that God has for me that I have been fearful to reach for! Pray for strength from God, WISDOM, and trust! That these good things God has for me, these orchards filled with sweet fruit, ARE REAL and PROMISED to me... (and I am NOT talking about a man, I am talking about REDEMPTION. RESTORATION. FREEDOM!
It is night.
And the holy moon is shining through my window.
I am filled with joy.
Friday, January 22, 2010
Obedience and Abundance
Joel 2:12-32
Isn’t it interesting how your life with Christ is a journey? All of those parables about races, and paths…they all seem to make perfect sense the more you walk with Christ. I can honestly look back on my life and see different points…different pit stops and places where God did something new, something old…something to refine me…make me who I am. The very best part is that God is never done, the road stretches out before us, and God is with us every single step. If we seek him, if we reach for his hand…he has promised to guide us…to refine us… and that is awesome.
Now…I’m going to get a little personal.
Six months ago, I was struggling with one of the biggest things I have ever dealt with as a Christian, as a person, as a woman. I had felt the assurance that God saw me as beautiful, unique, his own… I felt beautiful… But I still struggled with the idea that any man would ever be able to see it. I fear to be truly seen. It is a struggle I am still dealing with. It is so easy to hide behind things: my words, my weight…to dull my beauty down. I don’t want to be known for the beauty of my face or my body. I want to be known for the beauty of my heart. For so long I have held onto this…with a fierce stubborn fear… I wanted the right guy to find me…to truly see me… the way God had.
Six months ago, I was seeking God, but his plan was blocked by my focus on another person….of course--- A GUY! This guy and I had been in a relationship- on and off. He couldn’t get past the ugliness- the façade. He couldn’t stand my armor. It repulsed him. I became aware of one of the wounds of my past at around this time. One of the wounds that inspired me to keep this armor on. When I was freshly reminded of this sharp wound, my impulse was to continue to hide.
WHAT A SHAME!
God was prompting me, asking me to listen. And I could not hear. WOULD not hear. He asked me to give up this guy….to walk away. I knew in my HEART that this guy was NOT FOR ME! But I kept seeing who he COULD be, waiting for him to become that man. God said let go. He told me he eventually wanted me to let go of my armor… to let myself be healthy. But I continued to walk my own path… trying to hold on to my armor and this guy while also holding onto God’s hand. As you know- I only have two hands.
Now A LOT has happened in 6 months. I have since let go of one of these things. The guy. It was so hard at the time… at the time it felt impossible. BUT WOW!
I can’t even say how right this was! That step of obedience made me realize how much my focus of this guy had been blocking my focus of God. Before, with guy in tow, I had still sought God, loved God, praised God… but I can now see and admit that he was not my primary focus. He was not my God. I was continuing to sacrifice to God… but without obedience. If you look at my past entry, “My Heart” it lays it out perfectly how it had been going. I still invited God into my home and let him tend my heart, but I divided his time with this guy. A healthy relationship- one built on the foundations GOD has designed for relationships shouldn’t tear you away from your time with God. It should build you up…and prompt you towards Christ more. As iron sharpens iron.
1 Samuel 15:22
“Does the Lord delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices as much as in obeying the voice of the Lord? To obey is better than sacrifice, and to heed is better than the fat of the rams.”
On the other side, giving Christ BOTH obedience AND sacrifice… I can FEEL the Lord’s delight! What a difference it has made! I’m starting to see God’s grace, compassion, and love for me in a new way.
I haven’t talked about the armor. In the midst of what God is showing me now, I see that in the distance. I know what’s coming up next. I am thankful that God does walk with us IN STEPS! I am a little scared. I know that the armor “protects me” from my past pains, insecurities, and wounds. I also know that my Jesus sees THROUGH my armor. He is the only one I can not convince. He sees my beauty. He sees who I am. I sometimes feel like Jesus is shaking his head, sadly.
“Why are you putting this on? It will not hide you. I have made you. You are much too vibrant. My love will pour out of every crack. The time is coming to take it off, Melissa. It is a waste of your energy. What could you be doing for me with that energy?”
OH how I long to be free from this armor! But I can sense that there is a LOT of work to be done before the armor comes off. And I am trusting in God’s promises…and relaxing in this sweet spot I’m going through in the meantime!
God recently brought my mind back to Joel. Joel 2:12-32 to be exact. Please read it! I’m just going to put a few verses here. In MY personal journey… it reflects the MANY times in my life where I have tried it my way…walked a separate path from God… but the part he has been showing me recently is the abundance…the PROMISE….
Joel 2:12-14
Rend Your Heart
12 "Even now," declares the LORD,
"return to me with all your heart,
with fasting and weeping and mourning."
13 Rend your heart
and not your garments.
Return to the LORD your God,
for he is gracious and compassionate,
slow to anger and abounding in love,
and he relents from sending calamity.
14 Who knows? He may turn and have pity
and leave behind a blessing—
grain offerings and drink offerings
for the LORD your God.
THIS IS AWESOME:
Ok….before I give you this next verse, I have to tell you what happened before God lead me back to it. I was very upset the other day…listening to Satan tell me that it didn’t matter how beautiful God had made me and that I felt God’s love. Satan told me no one would EVER see me. That this man who I had given back to God was my last chance. That I was worthless, ugly, vile, NOT GOOD ENOUGH. That the armor would stay on forever…I could not survive without it. That God was done with me. SUCH LIES!!!! Well God kicked Satan in the booty with this:
Joel 2:19- 21
19 The LORD will reply [a] to them:
"I am sending you grain, new wine and oil,
enough to satisfy you fully;
never again will I make you
an object of scorn to the nations.
20 "I will drive the northern army far from you,
pushing it into a parched and barren land,
with its front columns going into the eastern sea [b]
and those in the rear into the western sea. [c]
And its stench will go up;
its smell will rise."
Surely he has done great things. [d]
21 Be not afraid, O land;
be glad and rejoice.
Surely the LORD has done great things.
22 Be not afraid, O wild animals,
for the open pastures are becoming green.
The trees are bearing their fruit;
the fig tree and the vine yield their riches.
23 Be glad, O people of Zion,
rejoice in the LORD your God,
for he has given you
the autumn rains in righteousness. [e]
He sends you abundant showers,
both autumn and spring rains, as before.
24 The threshing floors will be filled with grain;
the vats will overflow with new wine and oil.
25 "I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten—
the great locust and the young locust,
the other locusts and the locust swarm [f]—
my great army that I sent among you.
26 You will have plenty to eat, until you are full,
and you will praise the name of the LORD your God,
who has worked wonders for you;
never again will my people be shamed.
27 Then you will know that I am in Israel,
that I am the LORD your God,
and that there is no other;
never again will my people be shamed.
I’m not going to pretend to know all of what this means in my life. But I have a feeling God is going to show me! I read these words and Satan’s lies were wiped from my mind… peace settled.
Do not be discouraged that your life is like a journey! REJOICE in that! No one is perfect. God wants to draw you nearer to him…so you can take part in his holiness… and that takes refining. I will say that ever since I have tried in the littlest of steps to OBEY him, even things that seem small enough that I can handle them on my own- I feel God's delight.
I am SO glad, God is still refining me. And he is refining you too.
Isn’t it interesting how your life with Christ is a journey? All of those parables about races, and paths…they all seem to make perfect sense the more you walk with Christ. I can honestly look back on my life and see different points…different pit stops and places where God did something new, something old…something to refine me…make me who I am. The very best part is that God is never done, the road stretches out before us, and God is with us every single step. If we seek him, if we reach for his hand…he has promised to guide us…to refine us… and that is awesome.
Now…I’m going to get a little personal.
Six months ago, I was struggling with one of the biggest things I have ever dealt with as a Christian, as a person, as a woman. I had felt the assurance that God saw me as beautiful, unique, his own… I felt beautiful… But I still struggled with the idea that any man would ever be able to see it. I fear to be truly seen. It is a struggle I am still dealing with. It is so easy to hide behind things: my words, my weight…to dull my beauty down. I don’t want to be known for the beauty of my face or my body. I want to be known for the beauty of my heart. For so long I have held onto this…with a fierce stubborn fear… I wanted the right guy to find me…to truly see me… the way God had.
Six months ago, I was seeking God, but his plan was blocked by my focus on another person….of course--- A GUY! This guy and I had been in a relationship- on and off. He couldn’t get past the ugliness- the façade. He couldn’t stand my armor. It repulsed him. I became aware of one of the wounds of my past at around this time. One of the wounds that inspired me to keep this armor on. When I was freshly reminded of this sharp wound, my impulse was to continue to hide.
WHAT A SHAME!
God was prompting me, asking me to listen. And I could not hear. WOULD not hear. He asked me to give up this guy….to walk away. I knew in my HEART that this guy was NOT FOR ME! But I kept seeing who he COULD be, waiting for him to become that man. God said let go. He told me he eventually wanted me to let go of my armor… to let myself be healthy. But I continued to walk my own path… trying to hold on to my armor and this guy while also holding onto God’s hand. As you know- I only have two hands.
Now A LOT has happened in 6 months. I have since let go of one of these things. The guy. It was so hard at the time… at the time it felt impossible. BUT WOW!
I can’t even say how right this was! That step of obedience made me realize how much my focus of this guy had been blocking my focus of God. Before, with guy in tow, I had still sought God, loved God, praised God… but I can now see and admit that he was not my primary focus. He was not my God. I was continuing to sacrifice to God… but without obedience. If you look at my past entry, “My Heart” it lays it out perfectly how it had been going. I still invited God into my home and let him tend my heart, but I divided his time with this guy. A healthy relationship- one built on the foundations GOD has designed for relationships shouldn’t tear you away from your time with God. It should build you up…and prompt you towards Christ more. As iron sharpens iron.
1 Samuel 15:22
“Does the Lord delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices as much as in obeying the voice of the Lord? To obey is better than sacrifice, and to heed is better than the fat of the rams.”
On the other side, giving Christ BOTH obedience AND sacrifice… I can FEEL the Lord’s delight! What a difference it has made! I’m starting to see God’s grace, compassion, and love for me in a new way.
I haven’t talked about the armor. In the midst of what God is showing me now, I see that in the distance. I know what’s coming up next. I am thankful that God does walk with us IN STEPS! I am a little scared. I know that the armor “protects me” from my past pains, insecurities, and wounds. I also know that my Jesus sees THROUGH my armor. He is the only one I can not convince. He sees my beauty. He sees who I am. I sometimes feel like Jesus is shaking his head, sadly.
“Why are you putting this on? It will not hide you. I have made you. You are much too vibrant. My love will pour out of every crack. The time is coming to take it off, Melissa. It is a waste of your energy. What could you be doing for me with that energy?”
OH how I long to be free from this armor! But I can sense that there is a LOT of work to be done before the armor comes off. And I am trusting in God’s promises…and relaxing in this sweet spot I’m going through in the meantime!
God recently brought my mind back to Joel. Joel 2:12-32 to be exact. Please read it! I’m just going to put a few verses here. In MY personal journey… it reflects the MANY times in my life where I have tried it my way…walked a separate path from God… but the part he has been showing me recently is the abundance…the PROMISE….
Joel 2:12-14
Rend Your Heart
12 "Even now," declares the LORD,
"return to me with all your heart,
with fasting and weeping and mourning."
13 Rend your heart
and not your garments.
Return to the LORD your God,
for he is gracious and compassionate,
slow to anger and abounding in love,
and he relents from sending calamity.
14 Who knows? He may turn and have pity
and leave behind a blessing—
grain offerings and drink offerings
for the LORD your God.
THIS IS AWESOME:
Ok….before I give you this next verse, I have to tell you what happened before God lead me back to it. I was very upset the other day…listening to Satan tell me that it didn’t matter how beautiful God had made me and that I felt God’s love. Satan told me no one would EVER see me. That this man who I had given back to God was my last chance. That I was worthless, ugly, vile, NOT GOOD ENOUGH. That the armor would stay on forever…I could not survive without it. That God was done with me. SUCH LIES!!!! Well God kicked Satan in the booty with this:
Joel 2:19- 21
19 The LORD will reply [a] to them:
"I am sending you grain, new wine and oil,
enough to satisfy you fully;
never again will I make you
an object of scorn to the nations.
20 "I will drive the northern army far from you,
pushing it into a parched and barren land,
with its front columns going into the eastern sea [b]
and those in the rear into the western sea. [c]
And its stench will go up;
its smell will rise."
Surely he has done great things. [d]
21 Be not afraid, O land;
be glad and rejoice.
Surely the LORD has done great things.
22 Be not afraid, O wild animals,
for the open pastures are becoming green.
The trees are bearing their fruit;
the fig tree and the vine yield their riches.
23 Be glad, O people of Zion,
rejoice in the LORD your God,
for he has given you
the autumn rains in righteousness. [e]
He sends you abundant showers,
both autumn and spring rains, as before.
24 The threshing floors will be filled with grain;
the vats will overflow with new wine and oil.
25 "I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten—
the great locust and the young locust,
the other locusts and the locust swarm [f]—
my great army that I sent among you.
26 You will have plenty to eat, until you are full,
and you will praise the name of the LORD your God,
who has worked wonders for you;
never again will my people be shamed.
27 Then you will know that I am in Israel,
that I am the LORD your God,
and that there is no other;
never again will my people be shamed.
I’m not going to pretend to know all of what this means in my life. But I have a feeling God is going to show me! I read these words and Satan’s lies were wiped from my mind… peace settled.
Do not be discouraged that your life is like a journey! REJOICE in that! No one is perfect. God wants to draw you nearer to him…so you can take part in his holiness… and that takes refining. I will say that ever since I have tried in the littlest of steps to OBEY him, even things that seem small enough that I can handle them on my own- I feel God's delight.
I am SO glad, God is still refining me. And he is refining you too.
Friday, January 8, 2010
"You are the God who sees me..." Pt. 2
Psalm 139
For the director of music. Of David. A psalm.
1 O LORD, you have searched me
and you know me.
2 You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
3 You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.
4 Before a word is on my tongue
you know it completely, O LORD.
5 You hem me in—behind and before;
you have laid your hand upon me.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.
7 Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, [a] you are there.
9 If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
10 even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.
11 If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,"
12 even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.
13 For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
16 your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
17 How precious to [b] me are your thoughts, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!
18 Were I to count them,
they would outnumber the grains of sand.
When I awake,
I am still with you.
19 If only you would slay the wicked, O God!
Away from me, you bloodthirsty men!
20 They speak of you with evil intent;
your adversaries misuse your name.
21 Do I not hate those who hate you, O LORD,
and abhor those who rise up against you?
22 I have nothing but hatred for them;
I count them my enemies.
23 Search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
24 See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.
For the director of music. Of David. A psalm.
1 O LORD, you have searched me
and you know me.
2 You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
3 You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.
4 Before a word is on my tongue
you know it completely, O LORD.
5 You hem me in—behind and before;
you have laid your hand upon me.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.
7 Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, [a] you are there.
9 If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
10 even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.
11 If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,"
12 even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.
13 For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
16 your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
17 How precious to [b] me are your thoughts, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!
18 Were I to count them,
they would outnumber the grains of sand.
When I awake,
I am still with you.
19 If only you would slay the wicked, O God!
Away from me, you bloodthirsty men!
20 They speak of you with evil intent;
your adversaries misuse your name.
21 Do I not hate those who hate you, O LORD,
and abhor those who rise up against you?
22 I have nothing but hatred for them;
I count them my enemies.
23 Search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
24 See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
"You are the God who sees me..."
I'm in this strange place.
I am financially unstable but very much resting in God's presence. God has really drawn me nearer to him lately... even before my world started rocking...
I've been having dreams lately. Lots of dreams. Last night I had one- and I don't remember much about it, except one phrase that stayed with me. I was outside on the ground, and all of these writings, paintings, and journals of mine were on the ground. It was muddy and it was raining and I was trying desperately to scoop them up and carry them inside. There was a woman there... I don't remember her role in the dream. She looked down at all of these things and said, "Huge. It's huge." And I looked up at her, kind of in question. And she said, "Your heart is huge."
I don't remember much of that dream, but that part sticks and ticks within me.
I've been doing a bible study on my own lately, that my mother purchased for me last year at camp. In the section that I am in, it is talking about how God sees us. The first part talked of Hagar, and how God saw her pain regarding Sarah's treatment and resentment of her, and how he blessed her descendants. She calls him "the God who sees me" or "the God who comforts" "the God who sees"... Later in another part- it talks about Leah...and how God saw that she was unloved by her husband and opened her womb. She again refers to him as the "God who saw her pain"
I feel like my dreams have been like that lately. In these dreams- nothing has been revealed to change my life... but God SEES me. He sees my heart, he sees my pain, he sees my lows, he sees my inadequacies.
I have such a peace in feeling that God sees me...through everything.
I am financially unstable but very much resting in God's presence. God has really drawn me nearer to him lately... even before my world started rocking...
I've been having dreams lately. Lots of dreams. Last night I had one- and I don't remember much about it, except one phrase that stayed with me. I was outside on the ground, and all of these writings, paintings, and journals of mine were on the ground. It was muddy and it was raining and I was trying desperately to scoop them up and carry them inside. There was a woman there... I don't remember her role in the dream. She looked down at all of these things and said, "Huge. It's huge." And I looked up at her, kind of in question. And she said, "Your heart is huge."
I don't remember much of that dream, but that part sticks and ticks within me.
I've been doing a bible study on my own lately, that my mother purchased for me last year at camp. In the section that I am in, it is talking about how God sees us. The first part talked of Hagar, and how God saw her pain regarding Sarah's treatment and resentment of her, and how he blessed her descendants. She calls him "the God who sees me" or "the God who comforts" "the God who sees"... Later in another part- it talks about Leah...and how God saw that she was unloved by her husband and opened her womb. She again refers to him as the "God who saw her pain"
I feel like my dreams have been like that lately. In these dreams- nothing has been revealed to change my life... but God SEES me. He sees my heart, he sees my pain, he sees my lows, he sees my inadequacies.
I have such a peace in feeling that God sees me...through everything.
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