LET'S RECOGNIZE.

It's 4:00 a.m.

One might wonder why I am awake at such an hour.

It's really not a terrible thing. I just have to go to the airport in a half an hour to deposit my sister and brother-in-law safely on an airplane back to Traverse City, MI.

My sister flew down Saturday night, and her husband flew in Sunday afternoon. He works for an airport, so they are pretty much granted free airfare whenever they want if they are willing to fly standby.

So...I got to have a little superbowl party with my sis, bro and cousin... It was great. OH YEAH...except for that one part where the Colts lost. Let's not talk about that.

God's been doing a lot...but when is he NOT doing a lot? I should say, I've been able to see some of the stuff God has been doing a lot more clearly lately.

Satan has ATTACKED me these last couple weeks with LIES. It's been crazy the mini-battle marching in my head. Satan will lie...usually something like, "Melissa, you are unlovable and not enough." And I will think,

'Um. No...Satan I'm not." And he will say,

"Yes you are. Remember this and this and this? These things PROVE that all I say is true. Let's be honest. You're not good enough. You never will be." And then God will say,

"Melissa, Satan is a liar. I made you with my hands! It was MY breath that breathed life into your lungs. It was I who thought of every little thing about you before you were made. I gave you your big blue eyes, and your sensitive heart. I looked down at you and thought, 'this one will bear my beauty and I will use her for MY glory.' Melissa, you are mine. You let me in long ago and I will NEVER leave you. I am yours. Satan is a liar."

And this went on. And on. And on. Satan would lie. God would proclaim.

It was exhausting.

But the last two days, I started to realize one way that Satan was getting such a foothold of my mind was because PART OF ME BELIEVED HIM! Even when God was POURING his love and his TRUTH into my heart, PART OF ME....Part of me thought,

"No. He's right Lord. I am worthless. Don't you remember how I hurt you? Don't you remember how I twisted the nails in deeper? Don't you remember the density of my sins wrapped around you as you hung on that cross?"

Part of me really didn't forgive myself. And this is the doorway which Satan trotted through, head held high...ready and MORE THAN WILLING to wreak havoc in my mind.

Today in church one of the pastors gave a sermon very close to this war. He talked about freedom from religion....freedom from the law. He briefly talked about forgiving ourselves. And this hit me. IT hit me.

I went up for prayer and my sister came along with me and prayed with two women from my church. There was a really cool moment that I felt something being lifted or moved...like a shadow had been blocking this light...and then it moved...and the light was pulsing down...

I even opened my eyes to see if maybe I was just seeing a light source through my eyelids, because sometimes that happens...and it was hazy like that...

But there was no light source where we were standing.

I wish I had had the faith to keep my eyes closed and focused on that light. It was vibrant.

I told God that I wanted to forgive myself. That I wanted to see myself the way he saw me even through my mistakes and through my past that has wounded me.

My mind was settled after that.

Pray with me and for me as I enter these exciting and dark caverns. God is helping me discover many layers...and I don't know if there is more to the path of forgiveness...all I know is that today...the battle was the Lord's...and he WHOOPED on Satan!