Obedience and Abundance

Joel 2:12-32

Isn’t it interesting how your life with Christ is a journey? All of those parables about races, and paths…they all seem to make perfect sense the more you walk with Christ. I can honestly look back on my life and see different points…different pit stops and places where God did something new, something old…something to refine me…make me who I am. The very best part is that God is never done, the road stretches out before us, and God is with us every single step. If we seek him, if we reach for his hand…he has promised to guide us…to refine us… and that is awesome.

Now…I’m going to get a little personal.

Six months ago, I was struggling with one of the biggest things I have ever dealt with as a Christian, as a person, as a woman. I had felt the assurance that God saw me as beautiful, unique, his own… I felt beautiful… But I still struggled with the idea that any man would ever be able to see it. I fear to be truly seen. It is a struggle I am still dealing with. It is so easy to hide behind things: my words, my weight…to dull my beauty down. I don’t want to be known for the beauty of my face or my body. I want to be known for the beauty of my heart. For so long I have held onto this…with a fierce stubborn fear… I wanted the right guy to find me…to truly see me… the way God had.

Six months ago, I was seeking God, but his plan was blocked by my focus on another person….of course--- A GUY! This guy and I had been in a relationship- on and off. He couldn’t get past the ugliness- the façade. He couldn’t stand my armor. It repulsed him. I became aware of one of the wounds of my past at around this time. One of the wounds that inspired me to keep this armor on. When I was freshly reminded of this sharp wound, my impulse was to continue to hide.

WHAT A SHAME!

God was prompting me, asking me to listen. And I could not hear. WOULD not hear. He asked me to give up this guy….to walk away. I knew in my HEART that this guy was NOT FOR ME! But I kept seeing who he COULD be, waiting for him to become that man. God said let go. He told me he eventually wanted me to let go of my armor… to let myself be healthy. But I continued to walk my own path… trying to hold on to my armor and this guy while also holding onto God’s hand. As you know- I only have two hands.

Now A LOT has happened in 6 months. I have since let go of one of these things. The guy. It was so hard at the time… at the time it felt impossible. BUT WOW!

I can’t even say how right this was! That step of obedience made me realize how much my focus of this guy had been blocking my focus of God. Before, with guy in tow, I had still sought God, loved God, praised God… but I can now see and admit that he was not my primary focus. He was not my God. I was continuing to sacrifice to God… but without obedience. If you look at my past entry, “My Heart” it lays it out perfectly how it had been going. I still invited God into my home and let him tend my heart, but I divided his time with this guy. A healthy relationship- one built on the foundations GOD has designed for relationships shouldn’t tear you away from your time with God. It should build you up…and prompt you towards Christ more. As iron sharpens iron.

1 Samuel 15:22
“Does the Lord delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices as much as in obeying the voice of the Lord? To obey is better than sacrifice, and to heed is better than the fat of the rams.”

On the other side, giving Christ BOTH obedience AND sacrifice… I can FEEL the Lord’s delight! What a difference it has made! I’m starting to see God’s grace, compassion, and love for me in a new way.

I haven’t talked about the armor. In the midst of what God is showing me now, I see that in the distance. I know what’s coming up next. I am thankful that God does walk with us IN STEPS! I am a little scared. I know that the armor “protects me” from my past pains, insecurities, and wounds. I also know that my Jesus sees THROUGH my armor. He is the only one I can not convince. He sees my beauty. He sees who I am. I sometimes feel like Jesus is shaking his head, sadly.

“Why are you putting this on? It will not hide you. I have made you. You are much too vibrant. My love will pour out of every crack. The time is coming to take it off, Melissa. It is a waste of your energy. What could you be doing for me with that energy?”

OH how I long to be free from this armor! But I can sense that there is a LOT of work to be done before the armor comes off. And I am trusting in God’s promises…and relaxing in this sweet spot I’m going through in the meantime!

God recently brought my mind back to Joel. Joel 2:12-32 to be exact. Please read it! I’m just going to put a few verses here. In MY personal journey… it reflects the MANY times in my life where I have tried it my way…walked a separate path from God… but the part he has been showing me recently is the abundance…the PROMISE….

Joel 2:12-14

Rend Your Heart
12 "Even now," declares the LORD,
"return to me with all your heart,
with fasting and weeping and mourning."
13 Rend your heart
and not your garments.
Return to the LORD your God,
for he is gracious and compassionate,
slow to anger and abounding in love,
and he relents from sending calamity.

14 Who knows? He may turn and have pity
and leave behind a blessing—
grain offerings and drink offerings
for the LORD your God.

THIS IS AWESOME:

Ok….before I give you this next verse, I have to tell you what happened before God lead me back to it. I was very upset the other day…listening to Satan tell me that it didn’t matter how beautiful God had made me and that I felt God’s love. Satan told me no one would EVER see me. That this man who I had given back to God was my last chance. That I was worthless, ugly, vile, NOT GOOD ENOUGH. That the armor would stay on forever…I could not survive without it. That God was done with me. SUCH LIES!!!! Well God kicked Satan in the booty with this:

Joel 2:19- 21
19 The LORD will reply [a] to them:
"I am sending you grain, new wine and oil,
enough to satisfy you fully;
never again will I make you
an object of scorn to the nations.

20 "I will drive the northern army far from you,
pushing it into a parched and barren land,
with its front columns going into the eastern sea [b]
and those in the rear into the western sea. [c]
And its stench will go up;
its smell will rise."
Surely he has done great things. [d]

21 Be not afraid, O land;
be glad and rejoice.
Surely the LORD has done great things.

22 Be not afraid, O wild animals,
for the open pastures are becoming green.
The trees are bearing their fruit;
the fig tree and the vine yield their riches.

23 Be glad, O people of Zion,
rejoice in the LORD your God,
for he has given you
the autumn rains in righteousness. [e]
He sends you abundant showers,
both autumn and spring rains, as before.

24 The threshing floors will be filled with grain;
the vats will overflow with new wine and oil.

25 "I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten—
the great locust and the young locust,
the other locusts and the locust swarm [f]—
my great army that I sent among you.

26 You will have plenty to eat, until you are full,
and you will praise the name of the LORD your God,
who has worked wonders for you;
never again will my people be shamed.

27 Then you will know that I am in Israel,
that I am the LORD your God,
and that there is no other;
never again will my people be shamed.

I’m not going to pretend to know all of what this means in my life. But I have a feeling God is going to show me! I read these words and Satan’s lies were wiped from my mind… peace settled.

Do not be discouraged that your life is like a journey! REJOICE in that! No one is perfect. God wants to draw you nearer to him…so you can take part in his holiness… and that takes refining. I will say that ever since I have tried in the littlest of steps to OBEY him, even things that seem small enough that I can handle them on my own- I feel God's delight.

I am SO glad, God is still refining me. And he is refining you too.