Identity- Seeing Ourselves the Way He Does

12I love to watch people.

I used to accredit myself as an unofficial sociologist...finding myself fascinated with the way people interact, move, talk...etc. In recent years, however, I haven't been looking. In fact, I've been doing everything NOT to look. Somehow I have gotten it into my head that if I am not looking at them, then they won't be looking at me. It's an interesting way to isolate...and completely ludicrous. I see that now. (It's amazing how little you see of your odd behaviors when you are seeking to be unaware.)

It reminds me of a friend of mine. When he was a little boy he would play peek-a-boo with his parents. He would close his eyes, covering them doubly with his chubby little fingers. The suspense would build in those moments before the "great reveal." They would say "Peek-A-Boo" but he would remain shut off...eyes closed...hands in place. He would brightly chime, "You can't see me!"

This strikes something deep in me...even to recount this funny anecdote. This past year, God has been caring for my heart so tenderly. He has blessed me and done amazing miracles of healing over old wounds. He revealed to me how I had certain habits and behaviors that were unhealthy. The most encouraging part was that they weren't really me. It had felt like the genuine article, because I had been using them to protect me and to shield me for years. It was familiar. Those aspects of me may have been how I was choosing to live, but the most freeing moment came when God revealed that I DIDN'T HAVE TO LIVE LIKE THAT. I could choose freedom by just looking to the face of God. I kept asking myself the questions, "Do I believe that God is who He says He is?" and "Do I believe that I am who God says I am?"

Seeking and BELIEVING God we discover our true identity...we can see ourselves more clearly looking first to Jesus. He knows us much better than we know ourselves.

This year has been a long, hard, amazing, fruitful, wonderful, painful, stretching, rewarding, loving, tiring, abundant year. And I am so thankful. God is re-shaping my identity...he is healing me. Whenever I TRY to speed up the process or DO something, it never works...but when I let go, let go of control, God leads me...and it is true rest, and peace always follows. He is beginning to show me how to live by the spirit and not by my soul (emotions). This particular gift came last Tuesday, December 7th:
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I love to watch people.

At the grocery store, the man behind me plops down a box of "Wheaties" on the conveyor belt next to my bananas. I look him over. Quite handsome. Single. Mid-30s. Well-built. 'Had the 'Wheaties' contributed?' An inward chuckle and chide to self and my eyes are immediately on the man in front of me. A thick European accent drifts from his lips toward a man, who by look and speech, must be his brother. 'Aren't we all so beautiful?' I think happily. Each so uniquely fashioned and designed- each pulsating literally and figuratively with such facets of wonder... I find myself musing over the Brothers and Wheaties-Man... What their lives are like...families...jobs... We are all so beautiful.

As I walk to my car, a wonderful feeling rises up out of me. 'I'm awesome!' I elate. 'I really am! I'm beautiful. I'm talented. I'm intelligent. I'm witty. I'm fun. I'm full of life and adventure and I am a daughter of the King! Jesus, JESUS LOVES ME! Life is actually good! It's not hopeless...I'm going to be okay. God loves me!'

This is true joy! To celebrate myself the way my Father does...in honesty- no shred of conceit or bragging ambition...acceptance of the reality and truth of WHO I AM...who God has made me into...who he continues to fashion after Himself.

This is identity.

This is true esteem. Not the self-esteem so strived for...No. This is a holy unified esteem. One that expressly praises the Creator- His flair for individuality and His love of His creation. I am with Him but I am me. He is in me and I am in Him and we are inseparable. He made me and I am beautiful, but NOW He is IN me and WITH me. I shine with Him. His residue is thick, his stain glorious. I can't be near him and it not rub off on me. I take after Him.

I take after Him!

I take after my beautiful, holy, glorious, perfect, wonderful, Father!

I will never feel ugly again. If I should...if I WOULD... I would blatantly be choosing to embrace a lie. I am not insufficient...I am not unworthy...I am not ugly or unlovable or a failure. I did not, could not, will not mess up the plans and abundance God has for my life.

In Christ I am everything, for HE is everything and I am in Him.