Living in Season

Have you ever noticed how often people say things like: “I feel this is my season to grow in this area…” or “I’m ready for a season of change in my life.”  You can interchange “life” with: job, location, relationships, etc.  You know you’ve heard them all.

Just as the natural world marks seasons by change and process, we mark our seasons this way as well.  Seasons string together and what is gained in one season is needed in the next.  What is planted in one season is yielded in the next, which is consumed or stored in the next season, and replanted in the next and on and on.  The truth is, we need these seasons to have productive, fruitful and full lives.

I think the biggest error we can make is to not allow ourselves grace to be present in the season that we are in.  A single person can become full of sorrow waiting for a match, while a married person can be resentful of the freedom someone single enjoys.  Those who have children in school can become tired or burdened with the busy-ness of extracurricular activities and slumber parties, while the parent who has just seen their child off to college yearns to have those years again.  Children can’t wait to grow up and then adults wistfully look back at the “days of their youth.”  You see what I’m saying?

We can waste our seasons wanting to be in a season other than the one we are in and miss the gold that is waiting for us right now.  Some lay about in plain sight, but others you have to climb for or dig for.  (Think of the squirrel and how he forages for acorns.  He goes AFTER it- even through many obstacles and difficulties) Every season, even the difficult ones, are an invitation into a process of “becoming” and the joy that can be found there.

I’m learning (or re-learning, I guess) how to find peace and joy in whatever process I find myself in.  It’s like when you are baking brownies.  It’s such a mess: flour everywhere, sticky measuring cups, gooey countertops…but at the end, brownies exist.   Something so delicious came from ingredients that apart from one another are simply ordinary.  Sugar is too sweet, flour tastes like nothing, salt is well, salty…

But in process, with time…they have the potential to be something truly delicious.

Sometimes when I’m in the midst of cooking something in my life, it’s so easy to just stare at the ingredients and get overwhelmed or anxious that it’s not going to turn out or taste right.

Allow your season to be what it is.  Embrace the mess, the pain, the discomfort of becoming and allow yourself to become.  Enjoy the process!  Tasting the batter along the way is part of the fun.

Launch Out! Launch Out into the Deep!!!

So I recently lost my job.  A job I had loved and had given me freedom in so many ways.  I knew our company was experiencing some financial setbacks so when one of my best friends and CEO of the company texted me to tell me that he and the owner of the company had to talk to me and that it "was not good" I knew I had lost my job.

In one way, it was so good to get that text because I cried all day in preparation for this meeting.  Prayed and pleaded with God.  I have been in desolate places before.  I have been in poverty.  I have seen my credit drop to a dismal rate before as I struggled to make ends meet.  So I did not want to go back there again.  But even as the enemy bombarded me with his ridiculous lies, one strong, defiant, and resounding truth pounded into my heart:

"I have always taken care of you.  I will never stop.  When have I not provided for you?"

I know.  I know, Jesus.  It's true.

Tonight I was thinking about how God knows EXACTLY what is going on.  He is not surprised when things like this happen.  And even when the enemy attacks, God is right there DOING something on my behalf.  Jesus is right there, INTERCEDING to the Father.  For me.  For me!

I've also been thinking that this is a superb time to take some risks.  Have an adventure!  My life is a blank canvas.  God can do ANYTHING!  If he opens doors for me to move- I could move somewhere! Do anything! My parents have always encouraged us to go for our dreams and to follow God with ABANDON!  We grew up pretty poor with my dad following his heart and God's voice into full time ministry INTO THE FARMLANDS!  (I'll just let you know that often doesn't pay a lot.) For the majority of my life, my dad has made less than $100/wk with my mom making the majority of my family's income.  They have sacrificed their time, money, and energy on their kids and on the path that rose up before them.  But...We have ALWAYS been provided for.  Oftentimes in the craziest of ways.  So my faith level for provision is pretty high. (Although it is NOT always easy to stay in that place)

Anyway- I was talking with a friend about this at length and as we spoke God revealed a lot to me and as I shared with my friend, the words released boomeranged back to bless me as well!  It was amazing! So these are some of the words God released to both of us:

"Fear is not of God. Resist the devil and he WILL flee from you! He is waiting around, wanting to devour you with his lies. It may not be a specific place you have in mind, but there is a plan for you.

Cast your net out! We could apply to positions and jobs all over the world in places we are drawn to and have felt passionate about. I have some top places that I am casting my net out into and seeing what will happen.  I'm just going for it and seeing what opens up to me.

I think you have to cast your line or your net before you can expect to catch any fish.  Sometimes this is a bigger step of faith than just hoping God will come deliver fish to your doorstep! If you're just sitting on a boat not trying anything, SURE you are safe from risk but you also have nothing to eat for dinner that night.

You have to launch out into the deep.

With God it is always further up and further in.

God is creating an opportunity for you to trust him and he wants to take you on an adventure because he knows that is something your heart truly craves.

But you can not hold onto doubts and anxiety and tether your boat to dry land in fear of uncharted waters.  You have to LAUNCH OUT and trust the one in the boat with you.

Trust that no matter what storm could possibly rise up, it would be no big deal to him.  It wouldn't be anything he couldn't handle. He would sit up from his nap and say, "Dearest- what on earth are you worried about? I'm still with you in this boat, aren't I?"

Nothing is too big or impossible or daunting or scary for God.

He has promised that the fire will not burn you and the waves will not pass over your head.  He has promised himself to you, dear one.  You can trust that he is a steady and experienced captain.

Tell Jesus your needs, wants, desires. Tell Jesus and pursue his heart.  He will take care of the details.  Cast your net out in faith and watch Jesus fill your net with fish.  They were afraid to listen to Jesus because they were afraid they wouldn't catch any fish but when they did listen, their boat was weighed down from the ABUNDANCE!

The Lord had provided.  He had brought the promise.

You have to understand that the Lord doesn't just want to keep you out of the poor house and provide for you.  He wants ABUNDANCE for you.

Overflow.

Sweet Tally

We passed Talitha's birthday recently.  The day she was stillborn.  I'm just the aunt, you know.  But I miss her.  I've never been more excited about a baby being born in my life and I often wonder if I ever will be like that again. Not even my dear Sophia, my little Lela, my lovely Havalah.  I eagerly awaited their arrivals and celebrated their births, but no one was like Talitha.

The anticipation was palpable.  I had marked on my calendar the days Bill and Katie would be seeing the doctor,  I had marked what days would represent a new milestone in her gestation.  I counted each week she was alive as a new birthday and would call my sister to say, "Happy 5 weeks!"  I read articles as she grew. I had papered the walls of my cubicle with her ultrasounds.  I had printed out e-mails that contained information regarding her. I bought her a baby book, and clothes and presents!  I was ready for her to come.

When we made it past the 2nd trimester, the thought of a miscarriage went with it.  I thought we were in the clear.  Home stretch. I was devastated when I got the call that they could not hear the heartbeat. Not possible.

I fought for Tally.  I prayed for her, begged the Lord for her life.  Believed in her healing.

She was healed.  But I would have preferred it done my way.  Of course.

Disappointment does NOT cover what we went through.  Disappointment does NOT cover it.  Sadness, no.  Something very important in MY heart was taken when Talitha died.  Alot of what she was made of...Hope. A very thick sweetness died.  The sweet and innocence of first hope.  FIRST.

But Talitha lived.  She lived...she loved...she grew...she dances now.  She sings.  She plays.  She loves.
It's never NOT been constant for her.  I don't believe she was in pain when she died.  Her death sounds gruesome.  Asphyxiation and detachment from the uterine wall.  Sounds violent.  But I know she didn't feel it.  I know she was not in pain.  I am certain.

I believe for Tally, it was as effortless as floating a boat under a bridge.  Dark for a moment ...then back out again.

She's only known love.

What has also been interesting to process is Lela.  This little nugget of jubilation and delight.  I remember when God gave me the passage in Isaiah for Katie and Bill.  He told me that he would restore what had been taken from them and give them double portion.  Recompense.  A double portion restitution for that which has been taken.  Lela was the recompense.  She was.  I don't say that to Bill and Katie...I don't talk about a lot of my feelings about it because I don't want to make them sad....or upset in any way.

But the truth is, if Talitha had lived, Lela would not exist.  Fact.  There is no scenario where two little girls would have been running around playing together.  Lela was sent as recompense.  Out of the goodness and justice of God's heart because of what had been STOLEN.

It is not God's will that Talitha got sick...or died.  But in God's mercy and love, he works everything for our good.  In his mercy, he took Talitha and healed her and gave her life.  And in his mercy, he sent a double portion of joy, beauty, life, love....Lela Jubilee.  I believe that.  It is certainly not fair, but it is good.

I wish Talitha had lived, but I am glad that now- they both get to live. Just in separate houses for a while.  Talitha will spend a little of that time without us, but for the most part- we will all be together most of the time.  We will all live.

Its hard to be too sad when I know that is better.  Is that wrong that I see it that way? Not better that we have experienced the shades of death and grief but that Talitha got to bypass the crap parts of life and get right to the good stuff?  Better that we have Lela AS WELL as Talitha.  Instead of just one?

I don't know...

Just processing I suppose.

Amnesia of the Heart

I re-read the post below and I am encouraged. Because today is a day where I don't feel like believing what the Lord has said.  I had a dream a little while ago.  It took my breath away because it was my wedding and there was so much beauty.  I won't give anything away but one thing I noticed was the appearance of these tiny blue flowers everywhere.  When I woke up I just could not get them out of my head.  At one point during the ceremony they had lifted this blanket, or shawl, or veil made of these little blue flowers and they had lift them from behind me all the way over my head to in front of me.

Finally, I asked the Lord, "What were those little blue flowers?  They were so beautiful and I don't think I've ever seen them before."

Almost immediately I heard,

"Forget me not's"

"No! That's too crazy" I thought, because I immediately remembered other things he had said to me before:

"Do not forget the things I have shown you.  Do not forget the things I have told you.  Don't forget that I am God and that nothing is impossible with me."

I still didn't believe.  Of course.  So I went to the internet and looked up the flower in google image.  1st result...there it was.  Beautiful, small, forget me not.

It only takes the smallest amount of faith.

So...I will have my wedding...and hopefully it will be as beautiful as the dream I had.  And we will gaze into each others eyes...and have Red Velvet cake (my favorite) and it will be wonderful.

In his time everything is beautiful.  At least- that's what he says.

Months Later and I Still Think About China...

It's interesting how a place and a face can so invade your space.

Rhyming is fun, once in a while.

Contending for a promise is hard when it seems impossible.  But I've also discovered that when you can hold that promise with completely open hands, you can find freedom.  I believe what the Lord has said to me.  I believe him.  I believe the dreams, the visions, the words, the prophecies, the scripture, the lessons, the books, the passages, the coincidences and all the other confirmations God sent my way to let me know that , "Yes, Melissa.  I have spoken this." but also that, it wasn't constant confirmation to guarantee the promise, but to let me know that this would be hard.  Near impossible.  An absolute miracle.

Even he said it.  Said it to my face that one day after we both just could not come up for air.  "It will have to be a miracle if this works out." But he also knows.  He was also told, and given words, and prophecies, and scriptures.  But he is still scared and intentionally looking the other way.

BUT HERE IS THE FREEDOM.

Holding a promise with both hands is knowing, but giving, and letting, and being.  I know what the Lord has said, and so I give it to him freely, with abandon.  TRUSTING him.  Trusting that I have to give back what was shown to me, because it was never and will never be mine.  It will always be his.  God let us have free will.  He lets us choose.  And that releases all control out of my hands.  It is God and it is choice.  And my part?  I stand.

Until God moves my heart along and changes the subject, I stand.  I do not move.  I believe.

But I believe with a quietness, and a peace.  A peace that requires nothing of me except faith.

I don't fast unless he asks. I don't pound my chest in war, unless he asks.  I have done those things, but now I wait.  I have surrendered.  It has all died.  Multiple times...over and over....cruel death after death....and now there is just life.

Me and Him.  He and I.  King and Princess.  The way it was meant to be.  There is only good for me.  There is only blessing and abundance.  So I rest...my hands holding a promise.  Wide open.

Knowing that no matter what--- no matter what man may choose--- I have made my choice.

My king, my love, my best friend, my safe.

And I know that all is well.  And no matter what outcome, I win.  I win.  And Love wins.

Love wins.

Chifeng, China......HERE I COME!!!!

I’ve always loved children. Even when I was a child, I loved children. When people would ask, “What do you want to be when you grow up, Melissa?” My first, exuberant response was, “A MOMMY!!!” My family loves to recount a story where I was asked, at the age of 4, how many children I wanted. My response was an insane amount such as, ten thousand. Later, as I grew older I would often try to convince my parents to adopt or foster parent. I didn’t understand why there were orphans in the world when there were so many people with love to share.

I’m writing this letter to you because I have been given an incredible opportunity to visit a special needs orphanage in Chifeng, China this summer! I am going with the organization Visiting Orphans. Please check them out at www.visitingorphans.com. Visiting Orphans works with government run Social Welfare Institutes (SWI) to help bring love and assistance to some of the 20 million children without families in China. I will be part of a team bringing joy and love to these little ones through games, crafts, music, etc. I am so excited about squeezing these little ones and blessing the workers and children there in whatever way we can.

As you can imagine, I will need a lot of prayer and moolah (money) to go to China! I signed onto this trip several weeks ago but at that time, the trip date had not yet been decided. In the last week or so, the trip date has been set for the first two weeks of JUNE! (Which gives me about 2 weeks to raise the first $2,000!!) The trip cost will be around $3800-$4000! Some of you are probably thinking, ‘She is crazy to think that she can get all of that money together in such a short amount of time!’ WELL...my thought is that if it is God, it is good. I believe that with God, anything is possible!

Thankfully Visiting Orphans has provided a way to donate that is tax-deductible for you and will then go toward the cost of my trip. For those snail-mail recipients, I have enclosed an envelope where you can send me your donation and then I’ll send them together to the Visiting Orphans office. You can donate online as well at http://www.visitingorphans.com and click on “Donate” on the top right of the home page. Then you can select “Chifeng, China-May 2012” under “Fund Category” and then click “Yes” under “Would you like to designate this donation to a specific team member?” and then type in my name. Either way is fine. I do have a special request, however. If you are able to donate financially toward my trip, would you please do so within the next week? I apologize for the late notice and thank you in advance for understanding!

I will be blogging about my experiences and the weeks leading up to the trip on my blog, http://www.songsofthesongbird.blogspot.com. On that website I will also have prints of my original artwork or commission pieces available for donors. At the end of my trip I will also select by drawing, from all of my donors, a winner of a photo scrapbook of my trip! I want to offer these things to you because I want you to have something of my heart to show you my gratitude for your generosity and love.

Please pray for this trip to be a blessing to the children and workers we will be interacting with. Also pray for the unity and heart of our team as we reach out in love and for safety as we travel. Pray for me that I would continue to step out BOLDLY and in CONFIDENCE when I hear the sweet prompting of the Lord. I am so excited to see what he does on this trip!!! Lastly, please pray for these workers and children that they would continually feel the love of God in their lives, that they would truly KNOW him and LOVE him.

Thank you so much for reading my letter and joining with me in this amazing adventure!

Love,
Melissa Mowat

Changing Lanes... Part 1

I’m packing up this office…cubicle…this corporate hermitage…and I’m actually kind of sad. There are memories here and two years spent well and constant. This was a place of incubation where God showed me about hope, faith, trust, Sonship, discipline…and really many more things. I'm going to do this in parts. So part 1...

I’m passing through a year and a half of memories and find that many are woven to a man. It all really started with a pear. It sat on my desk for three days making me feel special. I doubt he realized how that small gift had made me feel but it had melted my heart. He excited me and terrified me at the same time. He was the sweetest, most tender heart and yet there were sides to him I didn’t know how to respond to. Looking back, I know now that it was the control that controlled me. I could not predict this one…make sure he was safe…put him in a box. He is to this moment, one of the most unpredictable and brave men I have ever known.

I spent many of those 18 months afraid to show this man my heart…afraid to reflect his own back to him. I was not ready. And that’s just all there is to it.

I can’t think of this man without thinking of how Jesus knit me closer to his own heart through that relationship. It was a hard little union but it was good. God started it and he worked in it and through it and used it for my good. For our good. That I do know. God opened that door and only he can shut it. And until he does, I’m just standing in the doorway, waiting. And I’m completely okay with that. I’ve never been more content and full of joy in my life.

No matter what, I am convinced that there is only good in store. My God is a good, loving, and kind Father. He works all things together for my good.

It's going to be great. No matter which way others may choose in life...I choose my Jesus, my Savior, my Abba, my Jehovah Jireh.

It doesn't matter to me which happy road my Elohim leads me down...the result of my choices and the choices of others around me... no matter which way... Each path leads to goodness. It is ALL good. :-)

Thank you, Papa!